“she” being my cousin. We were talking last night about her never-ending quest to find me a boyfriend. I always ignore her, because the people she knows are stupid ad scandalous. But when she asked me about the guy who I had been crushing on for about a year now, I stopped and realized that I really don’t like him very much anymore. I know, if you have read my deep longing “I’m so pathetic I basically love this guy who has no idea” posts- I’m sorry. I’m stupid.
Anyway I realized my feelings for him have changed. He is still my good friend who I will chill with whenever it happens, but I think something just clicked in my head. I realized I was being dumb and falling and waiting for this guy who doesn’t really give a shit about much of anything. Especially me. I think I realized that I will probably be much happier on my own than I could be with him, so my head just threw that “lovey dovey” feeling right out the window.
When I told my cousin, she kinda got mad. She said I was letting my feelings go too easily and normally it takes a long time to get over someone. She said it made me kind of heartless and standoff-ish and that this makes me someone who is very hard to date… I feel like shit now. I kinda feel hopeless and lost, but part of me doesn’t care, while part of me just wants to be a normal girl that is datable.
I have no idea what to think anymore.
Okay I’m done now.