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I'm Danger. Stoney in Seattle. Anarchist with a heart too big to hold on to myself. Im obsessed with food. I have a passion for sarcasm and I'm great at ruining things. I'm just a 21 year old young lady trying to figure out how to be a woman. I love most of everything, but some shit I can't stand. I adore music. I listen to just about everything. I tend to complain about shit nobody cares about. Police Crawlin' On My Nuts

Sometimes it feels like I’m lost completely in a sea of my own thoughts and I can’t tell anyone about them. It feels like I’m missing something, almost as if there is a piece of the puzzle that I’m just not seeing that everyone else can focus on. It feels like I’m stuck in this web of conflicted emotions, stress, self confidence, insecurity, happiness and loneliness. It almost feels like I am at the window looking out to a vast world of people and places while the ones trapped with me go on with their lives and take no chances or even wonder about life on the other side of that window. It makes me nervous. I feel like nobody gets my need to just explore. I need to experience something enlightening. Something I’ve never experienced, with someone I don’t know well enough. I want to see the world around me change from one moment to the next.

Monotony above all else is what kills me. I can’t stand it.

I need to be able to be excited about something again.

At the end of our 55 minute conversation, she just laughed and said,

"Oh dear… It sort of sounds like you might just need to get laid." Then she laughed again and tried changing the subject……

I’m officially more embarrassed than I have ever been….

It’s late, I’m bored and smoking my bong and listening to Dion and The Belmonts and jazz standards by Julie London lolol

Should I cut my Bettie bangs? I miss them and its fall now… I’m just afraid they will look awkward with how long and wildly curly my hair is now. I don’t know :( HELLLLLLL meeee!?

So, I have been having the usual “boy troubles” that comes with 20 year old bitches like me. Sad thing is, I’m having this realization that I may actually be doing this bullshit to myself. I have this thing for “bad asses” and can’t help but find their inability to give a fuck attractive. Oddly enough, I half way expect said “bad ass” guys to somehow magically care about me. I know they won’t, because it’s not in the nature. Does it stop me from caring about them? No. Should it? Probably. I upset myself when these fools front and act like they care and are sweet and lovey-dovey… But then it all stops when you say you’re not ready to fuck them yet. I should expect that they are ultimately horny asswipes that are really cool, if you’re not falling for them. Sex might not be the only goal, but by golly it’s always included. In my short romantic history I’ve realized that even though he may say it isn’t important, the fact of the matter is that sex will always be a factor. Will I give in before I’m ready? No. Will I lose a lot of potential interests because of my resistance? Fuckin duh.

This brings me to my second point. If he isn’t a huge dickwad for only wanting to fuck me, I’ve found that he will try and convert me before we fuck. How this logic works? IM JUST AS CLUELESS AS YOU. If I don’t want to have sex with you right now, it means I’m not ready to fuck you, not “I need gods blessing before we do it.” I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY THAT IS AN OPTION, SINCE IM NOT EVEN RELIGIOUS. I just can’t wrap my mind around these niggas right now.

I don’t want to be that girl that waits for the “perfect guy”. I just want someone cool to chill, listen to randomly epic music, watch movies and nerd out with, cook for and smoke with. IM LOOKING FOR A BLAZE BUDDY WHO WILL MAKE ME LAUGH AND MAKE FUN OF EVERYTHING WITH ME. Is that really that fucking difficult? Seriously?

But whatever I’m just complaining again. Fuck this feeling, whatever it is.

I was surrounded by nothing but lush meadows and wild flowers, smoking a blunt, with the dreadlocked mystery man at sunset.

WHO ARE YOU, and WHY ISN’T THIS REALITY?!?

Not only did I clock in at 6 am, but I got asked to work a double so I spent 15 hours in the restaurant, was SWAMPED the entire time and only took a 45 minute break all day. To top it all off, I got asked to come in and open again today… Even though it’s supposed to be my day off. I’m not the happiest of campers, but at least I get to go see Reel Big Fish tonight.

Is fucking MESSY. She leaves her shit everywhere and it’s starting to piss me off. I’m gonna start leaving sticky notes that say “clean me” everywhere.

I will not get in to another car accident in the rain today.
I will not get in to another car accident in the rain today.
I will not get in to another car accident in the rain today.
I will not get in to another car accident in the rain today.
I will not get in to another car accident in the rain today.
I will not get in to another car accident in the rain today.

Praise science, amen.

I don’t know why I do this shit to myself. You stood me up all the fucking time 2 years ago when you were all I had. I thought I let you go, but here you are again trying to push your way in, and I let you, then OH SHIT, “Let me just leave her waiting for 2 hours again. JUST LIKE OLD TIMES.”

Fuck, I’m so dumb.

This entire post is going to be personal drama and if you don’t care to read about my silly bullshit problems and aggressive nature this evening, feel free to ignore this completely. I would too.

Tonight one of the people I hold most dear in my life infuriated me so completely that I said some really hurtful (truthful) things and yelled and screamed and made a scene and I am not sorry for a single millisecond of my aggression.
If I’m being completely honest with myself, she is the source of 82% of the stress in my life right now. Every day there is something that makes her sad, or something that irritates her. Everything in her life is done with no regard to anything or anyone but herself. I constantly go out of my way to try and help her, give more to her than I give to anyone, supply the attention she desires that is IN ADDITION to her lover, and look out for her out of concern for her well being. All of that and she STILL treats me like I’m a giant inconvenience to her.

Tonight we were hanging out at the park, all was well and I was browsing for music to play as we carried on conversation. I instinctively played Any Colour You Like and slipped my phone back in to my pocket. After some commentary and a few glances amongst the three of us, she looked up at me with the most disgusted and utterly bothered face I have ever seen her make, ROLLED HER EYES, smacked her lips and told me she hated Pink Floyd. I didn’t even care that she dislikes the band. I didn’t care that she ALWAYS hates everything I love and refuses to keep an open mind. I DID care that she looked at me like I was some sort of creation. Her gaze made my blood rush and boil. Being that this is not the first time, but one of a million attitude swings that turn to some sort of cosmic mess I’m which she is upset that she didn’t get her way and I am one to repress certain feelings, I exploded. I had to walk away.
A few minutes later, her and her love found me on a bench just down the way, just sitting and collecting my thoughts. As they walked up I began to explain myself, and she (as aristocratically as she could have possibly mustered) refuted me and got aggressive AGAIN. I lost it and started yelling at her, though she refused to let me get a word in edgewise. I had to stop and stand back, using all of my strength to refrain from slamming her face job to the concrete, and just compose myself. It took all I had in me to not make her kiss the pavement. It was definitely the straw that broke the camels back. It was like she was so mad at the fact that I existed within her personal bubble of space that she couldn’t stand it.

I broke down in anger and left after harsh exchange of words.

I then cried in my car because I was unable to hit anything, so I did myself a favor and stopped to buy a pack of cigarettes.

This has been a jumbled rant.

I’m really faded and I feel like making out.

Sigh

Please send me a stoner to laugh with, cook for, discuss philosophy and science with, listen to music with, sing to sleep, roll blunts for and make out with. Sunday’s would be for Disney Trips and Bong Rips. Please and thank you.

I honestly just want someone who will smoke to our hearts content with me and then watch hilarious movies, listen to rad music, go to shows, raves and dance all night, then I’ll make him food, we can make out and stare at stars.

Is that so much to ask?

Sometimes I hear girls trying I flirt with guys and I hear them tell the guy that he looks “tasty” or “delicious” or “yummy”…. Do they really find that compelling?
I don’t understand. It sucks for girls like me who are awkward and tell jokes or make weird statements to break the feeling of nerves, when some girls can turn neves in to this passionate sexual fire that gets them the guy every time. It’s horribly sad and honestly, really confusing.

You don’t want him, you just want his dick.

When people like me are out here trying their hardest not to pour out their soul to the guy that catches their eye, you go around with your tits out and your legs wide open making it almost impossible for people like me to actually connect with someone. And the fact that I’m fearful of the results of my awkward conversations doesn’t help either.

Okay I’m done yelling at the pretty girls now.